HI
We just got the word - the wind has died down so we will fly to Kantishna in a bush plane in two hours!
Then we'll come back 90 miles down the park road by bus.
I just HAVE to figure out how to do photos. What a waste that I don't know how!
I'll get busy.
Please, Martin - would you call my long-time friend, Carol Egan and tell her how to access this blog.
I tried to figure it out and let her know but I couldn't even access it.
Her number is 258-6380.
Hope that's ok to post, Carol - I didn't mean to not have you on this - I just don't know what I'm doing -
fortunately, Martin & Trudy made a shortcut for this on my laptop and it seems to work - when there is internet and when I hold my mouth just right.
I'll get on those photos.
love,
barb
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
a day off
I discovered, to my chagrin, that if the internet is UP and I'm typing onto the blog - if the internet goes DOWN - everything evaporates!
In the blog that evaporated, I thanked Martin & Didi & Jane for writing ANYTHING - thanks -you help me center.
I rode the train 2 hours toward Anchorage and then two trains stopped and I hopped off the southbound train and hopped onto the northbound train to expedite incoming passengers to Denali - it was SO much FUN and I got lots of pictures. Perhaps - someday, there will be time and opportunity to post those.
Today is my day off. I lay in bed a very long time with my book, EAST OF EDEN - (thanks again, Martin - for the idea). I just can't put the book down. I had forgotten so much.
I'm meeting a friend in a few minutes and we're checking on vacancies for either of two trips this afternoon - either a plane ride up to Kanteeshha and a bus trip back (the FULL length of the road into the park) or a plane ride to McKinley with a landing on a glacier. We'll settle for either. I hope the weather will hold.
A pair of foxes raised 9 kits right outside our housing - but they grew up and left just before I returned. A grizzly has been seen several times very near - and the warning signs are up again on our lodging. A female moose has been seen standing in the middle of the highway, appearing disoriented - there is no sign of the calf. I believe the mother is grieving. At least she hasn't been seen in the road in the past couple of days.
The fireweed has blossomed all the way to the top and the saying is that winter is six weeks away from the last blooms of the fireweed. It feels like September is approaching quickly. The air is chillier - some leaves are beginning to turn.
Here spring is in June. Summer is July. Autumn is August. Then 9 months of winter.
My favorite season is autumn so I will enjoy 2 autumns this year.
In the blog that evaporated, I thanked Martin & Didi & Jane for writing ANYTHING - thanks -you help me center.
I rode the train 2 hours toward Anchorage and then two trains stopped and I hopped off the southbound train and hopped onto the northbound train to expedite incoming passengers to Denali - it was SO much FUN and I got lots of pictures. Perhaps - someday, there will be time and opportunity to post those.
Today is my day off. I lay in bed a very long time with my book, EAST OF EDEN - (thanks again, Martin - for the idea). I just can't put the book down. I had forgotten so much.
I'm meeting a friend in a few minutes and we're checking on vacancies for either of two trips this afternoon - either a plane ride up to Kanteeshha and a bus trip back (the FULL length of the road into the park) or a plane ride to McKinley with a landing on a glacier. We'll settle for either. I hope the weather will hold.
A pair of foxes raised 9 kits right outside our housing - but they grew up and left just before I returned. A grizzly has been seen several times very near - and the warning signs are up again on our lodging. A female moose has been seen standing in the middle of the highway, appearing disoriented - there is no sign of the calf. I believe the mother is grieving. At least she hasn't been seen in the road in the past couple of days.
The fireweed has blossomed all the way to the top and the saying is that winter is six weeks away from the last blooms of the fireweed. It feels like September is approaching quickly. The air is chillier - some leaves are beginning to turn.
Here spring is in June. Summer is July. Autumn is August. Then 9 months of winter.
My favorite season is autumn so I will enjoy 2 autumns this year.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
July 22 – Wednesday
I’m back at Denali. My roommate just returned from a day off shopping in Fairbanks. That's her favorite thing to do on a day off - 120 miles to town and the Princess shuttle takes us there and back. I said – The internet is down again? Yup, she said – again!
So here I am, writing in Word – setting down my thoughts on the blog – without the blog. Anyway, I’ll be calling Martin & Trudy- I can’t log onto my own blog anymore. I guess I went more than two weeks without touching it and now it doesn’t remember me. So much for modern technology.
I am not up for much talking about my sister Jan yet. It’s not that I’m not thinking about her. There are just not many words yet – and my ideas are still forming – but
My sister died Sunday morning at 10:27a.m.
I am grateful that I was able to get home so fast and spend two weeks with her, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, except for a couple of short breaks. We had time together. We talked. We listened. We held hands. She comforted me sometimes. Sometimes I comforted her, I hope. I slept with her at night. That way she could just touch me and I would know – she needed medicine or to go to the bathroom or whatever.
It was just like when the babies were small. I woke so easily – it was like we shared brainwaves all night –and the blessing of that is that I still wake in the night – and I hear her breathing – and I am comforted. I have felt at peace because I hear her breathe when I sleep.
There are 73 wildfires burning in Alaska. More than 1,000,000 acres have burned. One of the largest fires is at Nenana, the closest town to us. It has a gas station. On the way in, we could see it like a giant fieldburn in the valley – with smoke streaming into the sky. We are used to the air smelling of campfires here. My roommate said that on the way home from Fairbanks, the sky became so dark from the fires that it reminded her of the movie, Independence Day – when the spaceship made the world underneath it all dark – like a big, dark shadow. Since we don’t have nighttime up here - yet - , she says it made it so dark it SEEMED like night.
I got back here at about noon. We “dead-headed” it – that is, I caught a Princess bus coming to Denali to pick up tourists – but it was just the driver, his friend and me. (Dead-heading means driving the bus without passengers. His friend and I didn’t count as “real” passengers, of course!) The whole bus to ourselves. As soon as I arrived I got it into my head to change into my uniform and show up at the lodge – just in case everyone was busy and they could use me. I came in at the far end of the lodge and guests came to me with questions before I ever got to the desk. It was amazing to realize that in uniform, people thought I’d have the answers – even though I felt like someone who had just returned from a very long trip myself. And I did happen to be able to help with their questions. When I got to the desk, there were people standing deep in lines and I asked if they could use me. I got to get back to work on the spot and worked for about 8 hours. It was cathartic – I’m happily exhausted. I’m among dear friends, albeit new friends – people I am so glad I was able to come back to work with.
Tonight I teeter on the fence of two worlds, the one there that centers at 4th Street, with true and longtime friends whom I love like family, and the world up here of moose and beavers, of wildfires and sore feet and guests from all over and new friends who have prayed for my sister and who have been calling me. One of them bought a Hawaiian blouse for me for Friday – some kind of Hawaiian party and she wanted to be sure I could dress the part. I still don’t know where the party will be but I’ll be there – with friends.
I was home there in Lebanon – but I wasn’t really HOME. I stayed with my sister until the day another sister took over and then I slept all day and then she passed away and then I only sat in my lounge chair on the front porch reading my book and trying to be as still as my thoughts. I missed visiting with my friends – with a few tiny and terrific exceptions. I tried to attend church but that was when I learned of Jan’s death-and I needed to leave even before church began. I tasted the cherries on the trees in the back yard and I made a glutton of myself with my blueberries. I weeded only where the weeds were disgraceful – and I have a very loose definition of disgraceful when I see weeds and have little time.
Speaking of weeds, the Fireweed up here is extraordinary! Huge patches. How I wish I had a hive of bees to set in the middle of a patch – the very best honey in the world is Fireweed. One can actually can peaches with Fireweed honey – the taste is so mild.
I love Fireweed honey just on a spoon – it makes every other honey taste strong and way too sweet.
The Fireweed is all over wherever trees and tundra have been chopped back or burned – and the first thing to grow back after a forest fire is Fireweed. Next year there will be more than a million new acres of Fireweed. Perhaps a beehive will be necessary.
I’m back at Denali. My roommate just returned from a day off shopping in Fairbanks. That's her favorite thing to do on a day off - 120 miles to town and the Princess shuttle takes us there and back. I said – The internet is down again? Yup, she said – again!
So here I am, writing in Word – setting down my thoughts on the blog – without the blog. Anyway, I’ll be calling Martin & Trudy- I can’t log onto my own blog anymore. I guess I went more than two weeks without touching it and now it doesn’t remember me. So much for modern technology.
I am not up for much talking about my sister Jan yet. It’s not that I’m not thinking about her. There are just not many words yet – and my ideas are still forming – but
My sister died Sunday morning at 10:27a.m.
I am grateful that I was able to get home so fast and spend two weeks with her, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, except for a couple of short breaks. We had time together. We talked. We listened. We held hands. She comforted me sometimes. Sometimes I comforted her, I hope. I slept with her at night. That way she could just touch me and I would know – she needed medicine or to go to the bathroom or whatever.
It was just like when the babies were small. I woke so easily – it was like we shared brainwaves all night –and the blessing of that is that I still wake in the night – and I hear her breathing – and I am comforted. I have felt at peace because I hear her breathe when I sleep.
There are 73 wildfires burning in Alaska. More than 1,000,000 acres have burned. One of the largest fires is at Nenana, the closest town to us. It has a gas station. On the way in, we could see it like a giant fieldburn in the valley – with smoke streaming into the sky. We are used to the air smelling of campfires here. My roommate said that on the way home from Fairbanks, the sky became so dark from the fires that it reminded her of the movie, Independence Day – when the spaceship made the world underneath it all dark – like a big, dark shadow. Since we don’t have nighttime up here - yet - , she says it made it so dark it SEEMED like night.
I got back here at about noon. We “dead-headed” it – that is, I caught a Princess bus coming to Denali to pick up tourists – but it was just the driver, his friend and me. (Dead-heading means driving the bus without passengers. His friend and I didn’t count as “real” passengers, of course!) The whole bus to ourselves. As soon as I arrived I got it into my head to change into my uniform and show up at the lodge – just in case everyone was busy and they could use me. I came in at the far end of the lodge and guests came to me with questions before I ever got to the desk. It was amazing to realize that in uniform, people thought I’d have the answers – even though I felt like someone who had just returned from a very long trip myself. And I did happen to be able to help with their questions. When I got to the desk, there were people standing deep in lines and I asked if they could use me. I got to get back to work on the spot and worked for about 8 hours. It was cathartic – I’m happily exhausted. I’m among dear friends, albeit new friends – people I am so glad I was able to come back to work with.
Tonight I teeter on the fence of two worlds, the one there that centers at 4th Street, with true and longtime friends whom I love like family, and the world up here of moose and beavers, of wildfires and sore feet and guests from all over and new friends who have prayed for my sister and who have been calling me. One of them bought a Hawaiian blouse for me for Friday – some kind of Hawaiian party and she wanted to be sure I could dress the part. I still don’t know where the party will be but I’ll be there – with friends.
I was home there in Lebanon – but I wasn’t really HOME. I stayed with my sister until the day another sister took over and then I slept all day and then she passed away and then I only sat in my lounge chair on the front porch reading my book and trying to be as still as my thoughts. I missed visiting with my friends – with a few tiny and terrific exceptions. I tried to attend church but that was when I learned of Jan’s death-and I needed to leave even before church began. I tasted the cherries on the trees in the back yard and I made a glutton of myself with my blueberries. I weeded only where the weeds were disgraceful – and I have a very loose definition of disgraceful when I see weeds and have little time.
Speaking of weeds, the Fireweed up here is extraordinary! Huge patches. How I wish I had a hive of bees to set in the middle of a patch – the very best honey in the world is Fireweed. One can actually can peaches with Fireweed honey – the taste is so mild.
I love Fireweed honey just on a spoon – it makes every other honey taste strong and way too sweet.
The Fireweed is all over wherever trees and tundra have been chopped back or burned – and the first thing to grow back after a forest fire is Fireweed. Next year there will be more than a million new acres of Fireweed. Perhaps a beehive will be necessary.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Janet
Sometimes things go along smoothly.
Sometimes things change on a dime.
And they stay changed and everything after is different from anything that came before.
My sister Jan's illness is progressing quickly - more quickly than any of us could have imagined.
It's difficult for her to talk. It's hard to understand.
The doctors have told her that there is no chance of recovery.
She wants to go "home" - where she grew up. Hospice will start immediately. I'm sitting in the Anchorage airport. waiting 6 hours for the next plane to Portland. Laurie will pick me up at 5:30AM tomorrow. This morning I thought I was headed to work. Before I got there -at Denali.
My supervisors found me a flight. A co-worker drove me to Fairbanks to catch the plane to Anchorage.
I'm coming home.
I want to be home. I want to help. I want my sister to know that she is in the center of a family that loves her.
I want her to be comfortable and unafraid.
Sometimes things change on a dime.
And they stay changed and everything after is different from anything that came before.
My sister Jan's illness is progressing quickly - more quickly than any of us could have imagined.
It's difficult for her to talk. It's hard to understand.
The doctors have told her that there is no chance of recovery.
She wants to go "home" - where she grew up. Hospice will start immediately. I'm sitting in the Anchorage airport. waiting 6 hours for the next plane to Portland. Laurie will pick me up at 5:30AM tomorrow. This morning I thought I was headed to work. Before I got there -at Denali.
My supervisors found me a flight. A co-worker drove me to Fairbanks to catch the plane to Anchorage.
I'm coming home.
I want to be home. I want to help. I want my sister to know that she is in the center of a family that loves her.
I want her to be comfortable and unafraid.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Simple Things
Today was extraordinarily beautiful here. The sun baked us at almost 75 degrees, very warm for here. The sun shines all day and all night but today everything just looked even better than usual - mountains all around us - and everyone commenting on the gorgeous day - all day.
A French couple came in and I was called over to help. That was SO much FUN! I believe my French is actually getting better. I had to apologize to them for how bad it was - but they kept thanking me. They're traveling in a foreign country and not speaking the language. We had a great time and they signed up for some tours and we worked out how to be sure they got aboard. I also talked to the night desk person and she'll watch out for them when then are there tomorrow at 6:30 a.m. for their Kantishna experience. Oooh. That was the high point of today.
The low point of today was at the train. I had my radio - but when my supervisor called me, I tried to turn the radio UP but instead turned it off. So, I didn't realize she wanted me to bring the 100 persons WITH me to the north gate. I did not look smart. People got gummed up getting aboard the train.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tonight a group of us played cards. That was a second high point of the day.
My mother let me know last week that the doctor found something sinister in a recent test and that there is some kind of blockage. They stopped the chemo she has been taking. She was very, very low about that so I've been calling each day and checking on her. Now, after a week of being low, she doesn't seem to recall how low she was or that there was a blockage. Now, she thinks she's just doing real fine - and the chemo starts again in two weeks. I do not know which end is up.
I do know that my brother called today. My sister who just battled throat cancer is having difficulty breathing and they've found suspicious spots on her lungs. Janet was my first, best friend. She's two years younger than me. Every damn thing that could go wrong for her did go wrong - ever since she caught Chicken Pox from me when we were little and she got encephalitis - She was never the same. She has smoked heavily for all her adult life. Now this. I only know this. She was my first best friend. In many ways, I lost her a long time ago, but this is a crowning blow.
I remind myself that even if I were home, I could not fix anything. I try to live day by day and moment by moment but some days I just want to say it. I do not know how to make some horrible truths better.
A French couple came in and I was called over to help. That was SO much FUN! I believe my French is actually getting better. I had to apologize to them for how bad it was - but they kept thanking me. They're traveling in a foreign country and not speaking the language. We had a great time and they signed up for some tours and we worked out how to be sure they got aboard. I also talked to the night desk person and she'll watch out for them when then are there tomorrow at 6:30 a.m. for their Kantishna experience. Oooh. That was the high point of today.
The low point of today was at the train. I had my radio - but when my supervisor called me, I tried to turn the radio UP but instead turned it off. So, I didn't realize she wanted me to bring the 100 persons WITH me to the north gate. I did not look smart. People got gummed up getting aboard the train.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tonight a group of us played cards. That was a second high point of the day.
My mother let me know last week that the doctor found something sinister in a recent test and that there is some kind of blockage. They stopped the chemo she has been taking. She was very, very low about that so I've been calling each day and checking on her. Now, after a week of being low, she doesn't seem to recall how low she was or that there was a blockage. Now, she thinks she's just doing real fine - and the chemo starts again in two weeks. I do not know which end is up.
I do know that my brother called today. My sister who just battled throat cancer is having difficulty breathing and they've found suspicious spots on her lungs. Janet was my first, best friend. She's two years younger than me. Every damn thing that could go wrong for her did go wrong - ever since she caught Chicken Pox from me when we were little and she got encephalitis - She was never the same. She has smoked heavily for all her adult life. Now this. I only know this. She was my first best friend. In many ways, I lost her a long time ago, but this is a crowning blow.
I remind myself that even if I were home, I could not fix anything. I try to live day by day and moment by moment but some days I just want to say it. I do not know how to make some horrible truths better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
